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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Please Verify

Validation. That one word that hangs around you your whole life but you never notice.

Validation. One word. One elephant in the corner of the room that everyone ignores.

Everyone likes to have his or her actions validated, for whatever reason. It’s all something we do unconsciously most times. Why would I suddenly notice this ‘silent giant’? Well, for one thing, I’ve been doing some soul searching and cleansing. So during this one-year process (I’m about 4 months in now), I will be taking measures to consciously stop doing some things that humans do unconsciously. My first stop is the art of validation.

Every time you look at yourself in the mirror, like what you see and turn to the nearest person and ask them what they think, you’re seeking validation. Every time you look in the mirror and you’re not sure you like what you see and turn to the nearest person and ask them what they think, you’re seeking validation. Every time you complain about the amount of work you have as a fill-in-the-blank student and wait for the cluck of understanding, pity and approval and respond with the standard ‘No. It’s all right. I can handle it,’ you’re seeking validation. We spend our lives seeking validation, at every turn in our lives. Whether its validation from your girl/boyfriend on his/her love or validation on your hotness based on the number of guys/girls drooling over you, we all do it.

So is validation a bad thing? I don’t know, honestly, but I’m crossing it out of my life officially to see if it will affect my relationship with people or me. It’s what we scientists do, we experiment on things we have no clue as to their function. A friend is working on some amoeba to knock out a gene and see if it affects the amoeba at all and as he is doing to his amoeba, I am doing to myself.

I no longer complain about things that I have control over. I don’t even complain about things I can’t control. It’s painful and I don’t succeed all the time but I’m doing it. I no longer ask people’s opinions on my looks, style or decisions. I bought myself red lipstick and I wear it without asking what anyone thinks. It’s hard, sometimes I just want to be sure I don’t look like a bush girl but I don’t ask. I am studying biology and not biochemistry even though there is like one course separating them. A friend told me, ‘ It sounds better! Just do it.’ And he validated my decision to NOT do it he he.

So far, I’ve realized that knocking out this ‘gene’ is making me cynical, selfish and cold hearted. I’ve recently been called cold and mean and I think it’s because I stopped seeking validation and in not seeking validation, I stopped caring about people’s opinions. At this point if I entered into a relationship I would care less what my ‘significant other’ thought. If I suddenly decided that I don’t care for birthdays (can NEVER happen!) because they validate one’s need for at least one day named on your behalf, it would mean he wouldn’t be getting anything; oh and to be fair I wouldn’t expect anything on mine either.
Does this mean I’m stopping my experiment? Nope! What if I’m just in a withdrawal period and the true form will come out. I’ll keep going and see where it takes me. Until then I sign out,

Cynically moi!

One last note: Before I put this article up, I failed and asked Mayowa for a validation on what he thinks. What can I say? I’m human.

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