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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Let's Talk About Love

Every now and then, I get asked what my views on Love are.  Thing is, the views I hold are so contradictory that I still can't gauge on what part of the spectrum I stand. Let's talk about how I feel about Love.

I've said so many times  on Twitter, if things go the way the last 10 years have, I'll never get married. I told my mother this once, as expected, she proceeded to bind and cast all the demons in me away. She doesn't understand. In my life thus far, I have never known the feeling to love a member of the opposite sex (No, I'm not gay). I've had crushes on a couple of people, gone out with a bunch of 'useless' girls but the feeling still eludes me. In my book, virtually all my relationships I've been in(Shout to all my exes) were disaster(s) and waste of time. However, I'll take my own blame seeing as I was majorly flawed in those relationships. I know it's wrong to compare yourself to other people but that doesn't stop me from. It's always at the back of my mind that the people I regard as my closest friends are in steady relationships.  When 'James' tells me "Mayowa, I love her", I share in his joy whilst suffering from the greatest of insecurities. Two of the girls who make my world tick tell me all the time that the standards I hold when it concerns girls are too high and ridiculous. (Check; The Search for Miss Right to know what those feelings are). Obviously, I can't do anything about the values I possess (And I'm really stubborn) so I keep on hoping and praying that I'll find that one person with whom I'll prove them wrong. So far, that mission has been Unsuccessful. My thinking in this direction is also built on the premise that since I've not known the feeling of Love thus far, what are the odds that I'll find it. Hence, I like to think that like "Seeing is Believing", Love doesn't exist till Mayowa finds it.

I'm pretty sure you'll read this and think I'm talking trash. Let me enter your head and tell you what you're saying. "How can you say Love doesn't exist? So what brought your father and mother together?" If you recall, I alluded to the self contradictoryness (it's not in the dictionary) of the views I hold. I have great affection for my family members and am of the firm belief that I won't be half of what I am without their care. Seeing my parents and the affection they have for each other's probably the only reason I have the faintest of beliefs that Love does exist.

However, I've come to learn from people that Love does not influence who they marry. It seems Convenience is the defining factor. By convenience, it is meant that  the man with the most containers coming in from Europe or with the surname you're more likely to find in City People wins. Of all the girls I talk to (I talk to a lot) there's only one who's actually cool with getting married to someone without regarding finance as a point of consideration. Being the optimist I am, I believe I'll be a huge success, I'm pretty paranoid that at that stage of my life I'll not have someone who would truly 'love' me for me.(Thank God for Pre Nuptial agreements). I do believe strongly in the institution of Marriage and that it's sacred. If/When I do get married I want it to be perfect. I want it to be someone I know I'll be able to trust, someone I'll want my daughters to be like, someone that'll be able to carry out her dealings with a very calm head. Okay, no more before I get accused of having outrageous expectations. On that note, if I never find someone who fulfills that criteria, I'll be single for a very long time.

Expected Feedback.
My Dad-  " Mr man. You're too young to be thinking about Love. Focus on your books, the girls would come".

My Mum- " You just like to blow Grammar. You're going to get married jo".

Leye- Is it me you were referring to as 'James'??

My Exes(If they ever read this)- "So I'm a semi disaster. Who told you I even liked you sef? It was only out of pity. Loser!"


  1. Convenience is not about who has the most money or has their names in magazines. I think it depends on individuals. If I marry for convenience it will be someone I can chill with and talk to seriously, someone who knows me well enough and if he has money, even better! But money is not the major factor for me. Its comfort and safety...hence convenience.

  2. I agree with what you are saying. I have close to the same train of thought as you except i have more weird reasons. But as for me i dont see convenience as finances or even comfort or safety. I see it as well... convenience. Why i didnt get in a serious relationship at school is because it wasnt convenient, i dont see the point when after graduation "life" can throw us to opposite areas of the country, even the world. Plus the fact that my expectations border on lunacy...lol nice post.

  3. Love exists, although we are yet to find it, we might never even find it but it is a FACT that it exists. I'm quite stubborn as well but i like to think I'm reasonable. I used to have the high standards for Mr. Right et all but after an argument with a friend in which he pointed out the off chance that you meet the 'perfect' guy and he is everything you thought he would be but you just don't click, at the risk of sounding cliche, you don't have that 'connection'. This is very possible and it made me realise the connection is what is most important not the fact that he is tall, dark and handsome. I want someone i can chill with and be myself around. I still have my standards though but that 'connection' is at the top of the list.

  4. Love exists, although we are yet to find it, we might never even find it but it is a FACT that it exists. I'm quite stubborn as well but i like to think I'm reasonable.
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